I'm not exactly thrilled with him right now. I made roast chicken for thanksgiving, and the entire day he complained about how much he hates holidays, and how he has not spent any holidays in the last 10 years with a significant other. I said having a partner does not guarantee an excellent holiday, it might just be as bad, and it could easily be a lot worse from my personal experience. He said he can't speak for me, but he's the kind of person who will always enjoy celebrating holidays with his girlfriend. So I said how could you have possibly known that if you've always spent your holidays alone? He said he was still with his ex on the Fourth of July, and it was utterly splendid. Well what the fuck was he doing with me then, go to your fucking vietcong ex then. What a rude, inconsiderate and ungrateful little bastard :(
One of the reasons why my ex boyfriend's mom disapproved of me (among many others) is the fact that I didn't cook. Let me rephrase that, the fact that he told his mom that I can't cook. Cooking is, unfortunately, like many other skills (i.e. driving, fellatio, manicure, bulb changing) - easily learned, practiced, and if one is diligent enough, perfected - a fact that probably escaped both his mother and him. The real reason why I didn't cook, and unapologetically so, is because I simply didn't have to - my mom cooks all the time, and she loves cooking for me because I love eating her food. I don't eat a lot - for every serving of rice I have, I would usually leave 3/4 untouched, but with her food I would at least have a second helping. She sometimes grumbles that I don't cook, but she will cook anyway. So why the hell would I fix something that's not broken?
And then I landed on this godforsaken island, and found most of the food inedible and despicable. I don't eat steaks, hamburgers, tacos or pizzas, so I was forced to make my own food. It wasn't hard, the first few meals tasted kind of ehhh but as I said, with enough practice anybody can bloody cook. The advent of online recipes expedited my learning process, my only grievance is that asian cooking takes a lot of preparation time which I usually don't have the luxury of.. and sometimes I'm just plain lazy. But when I have the craving, at least I can run to the kitchen and whip up something spicy and comforting.
And then after I got to know him, instead of cooking for just myself, I cooked for two. I knew that he liked my cooking, because he always asks for second helpings, or maybe he was just perpetually hungry. Deep down inside I also felt a tinge of pride because I have never cooked for anyone, not even for my ex of 11 years (serves him right). It gives you that inexplicable joy, slaving through unfamiliar grounds just to create something delicious and fit for consumption for your object of desire... My sister always says the way to a man's heart is through his tummy. Funny, I always thought it's through his penis. No wonder I didn't have much luck there.
And whenever I cooked for him, I never expected anything in return. You can say my affection towards him is genuine and unconditional. I simply enjoy his company, I love his sense of self-deprecating humor and passionate misanthropy, and he is just such a delight to look at. Some magazine poll somewhere voted Bradley Cooper as the sexiest man alive, but honestly if he were spotted in Hollywood, he would have easily trumped Mr. Hangover. There is nothing that I would not do for that man, except maybe anal sex. I would give him head all day if he wanted me to. He complained that my bed is the most uncomfortable bed ever, so I went shopping at 1 am on Black Friday and got an entire set of Calvin Klein bedding, complete with Calvin Klein mattress pad and Calvin Klein down comforter. I could have gotten other sub par brands, but no, I got everything Calvin Klein, just so he would stop whining about my bed. Also because I have always wanted a Calvin Klein bedding. I realize this zany relationship is lopsided and I am the only one showing any effort and affection, but I really like him and everything I did, I did it out of sincerity.
So is it too much to ask for a bit of respect and gratitude? How about not complaining that you hate your day while I am around? What am I supposed to do when you say these things? Am I supposed to ignore my own feelings? I have been there before, and I sought the company of girlfriends.. It was a holiday and I couldn't spend it with my ex so I went out with them instead.. but I didn't tell them I hated holidays because I couldn't spend it with him. That's just awkward and unappreciative. Even a callous cunt like me knows that.
