I told a buncha friends I'm flying home tomorrow night. In my subconscious mind, that tropical island is home. If I could get a job there and settle down I would abandon everything here and move there in a heartbeat. I touched down on Motherland two weeks ago and I could already feel what a dumpster it is. I bumped into a couple of people in the flight who were of the same ethnicity as me; the auntie smiled, offering acknowledgement, but the turd who was sitting two seats away literally ignored me. He kept dropping names of VIPs and dignitaries, making himself look important, like the other squint-eyed east-asian passengers give a flying fuck. That is just so typical of third world nations like Motherland.
The more I think of it, the more I feel the need to get my ass out of this shithole peninsular full of self-righteous bastards. Where the men are 5 feet tall with 4 inch penises and 38 inch waistlines but forever relishing the possibility of having 3 wives with their meager salary of nothing over USD1k. I might be generalizing and exaggerating at the same time but we all know it's somewhat true. With my past encounters and less than graceful experiences, I now know with conviction that I cannot end up with a man of my own race. I don't think they can handle me, and I know for sure I don't want to handle them. Likewise I don't think any sane man here thinks I am wife material, with my potty mouth and crude demeanor, as much as I don't think they are fit to be my husband.
The bitter part of me is still dwelling on the past (I would say it's about 75% percent - the bitter part that is, not the part that's dwelling on the past) on why my former love did not want to make me his life partner, on why his parents were not favorable of me, on what kind of woman they were envisioning would make a great pair with their son, amongst other dubious thoughts. They're a wasteful thought of course, and they bring me no closure nor peace... but I just can't help thinking at times. I have no ill feeling towards him, nor do I have any feelings towards him anymore, but sometimes I wonder why I let my dignity be trampled on like that. And then I remembered why - it was because I loved him, as much as I love my current object of affection, and that's what happens when you love someone, you swallow your pride. You also swallow their sperm juice (sorry could not resist).
